pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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