I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
