absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
