It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
as a side note pls kill me
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
