I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
