Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
