It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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