If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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