I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
