two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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