Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
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Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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