I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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