he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
