We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
