im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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