Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
