It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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