omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
this beer tastes like vomit already
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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