You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
