just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
