My underwear smells like fireworks.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
