I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
