Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
