Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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