Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
