Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
