Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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