the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
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I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
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Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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