He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
