As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The uberlube is also flammable
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
FUCK WHALES
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
