I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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