Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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