I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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