hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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