I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
