my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
