I'm so fucking centered right now
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
