Im at strip club and am horny
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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