i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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