Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
