I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
