If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
