I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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