I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
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Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
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He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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