Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
