Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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