I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
