oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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