We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Im just a social blackout drinker.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
