Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
