This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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