You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
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The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
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He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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