he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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