have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
