Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
