I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
