if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
