How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
